Rashida Wright

…But God is faithful. He won’t allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities…

1 Corinthians 10:13 [CEB] 

Hey Ya’ll,

We all know the saying, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. But let’s be honest, sometimes you just don’t have enough sugar to sweeten up the dang lemons! Currently, I am approaching my mid-thirties and due to some of my own stupid decisions, I am starting over in life, financially, personally, and within my career. I have no place to call my own because I currently live with my mom and I am unemployed. This time period has been very rough on the ego because when I thought about my life 10 years ago, I thought I would be settled in a career I excelled in making really good money, in love and owning a little something in a metropolitian setting.

“He knows what is best, even when it hurts me in places only I can feel and others cannot see.“

But, here I am, approaching 34 with the reality looking relatively dim. While I do feel very “woe is me”, I know that I brought most of this on myself. And that brings a lot of emotions. Sometimes I feel numb, at times, there is a silent anger that runs through me, other times there is a deep sadness that is hard to express. Other days, I truly have things that bring me joy and I thank God for those days. And while all of those emotions are valid when they happen, I also know and believe there is a purpose to this mess that God allowed me to be in. I dealt, and at times still deal with pride. This experience has certainly chopped my ego down, sometimes to the point of embarrassment and shame. And maybe that is what I needed. He knows what is best, even when it hurts me in places only I can feel and others cannot see. He is still there, like He promised. He is still watching over me like He said He would.

Past Reactions

“And sometimes, I wonder if God allows these things and removes the desire for the alternatives so that we truly understand what it means to surrender and look to Him for all of our needs.”

There was a time in my life, when everything seemed to be going down hill like it is now, that I would say “He didn’t bring this far to leave me” and then later in the evening I would go out for way too many drinks, or buy a huge bottle of cheap red wine (come on Sutter Home) and sip on that while watching TV and overeat junk food until I just couldn’t feel the uncomfortable emotions anymore. Or, my other favorite was calling an man-friend to come over to soothe the sorrows of the day. But in my current state, I know that those things won’t do anything but pack on the weight or tank my self-esteem. That’s not to say there hasn’t been temptations or even stumbling, but it is to say, that I don’t run to those things as often for comfort. And sometimes, I wonder if God allows these things and removes the desire for the alternatives so that we truly understand what it means to surrender and look to Him for all of our needs. I know 2023 and this current year have definetely put me in that place of focusing on Him. And when I don’t, it is clear and evident through the consequences that follow.

Conclusion

“The truth is, I have no other choice. I can’t go back to who I used to be and I will not get out my current situation if I don’t change into who He is calling me to be.”

So with the many sour lemons that have grown on my tree, I am believing, that somehow, the God of the impossible will take them and make a sweet lemonade of REAL faith, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control. As I am writing this I am listening to DappyTKeys on YouTube (who has great piano instrumentals if you just need to meditate on the Word, pray or work with some soothing background music). And in most of his videos, he has scriptures that scroll across the screen. Today, I am listening to Healing Scriptures for Prayer, Meditation and Sleep and the Word is truly giving me hope. The current one on the screen is “For the Scripture says, whoever believes will not be put to shame.” – Romans 10:11. Even on hard days like today, those words help me to keep going, to keep believing, to keep looking to Him for what I need. The truth is, I have no other choice. I can’t go back to who I used to be and I will not get out my current situation if I don’t change into who He is calling me to be.

Rashida