As of March 19th, 2024, Spring has sprung. And with the change of the physical season, I sense there is one happening in my personal life as well. I am starting a new role, I’m back in Texas and I am dating again, all things that I thought may have been dead in my life. The last two years have been a series of blows, some self-inflicted and others out of my control. But I believe that God used this time to build resilience and a servant posture within me. When I look back at my life, there were times when I gave up too easily because it got a little rough, and acted selfishly because I could. And while God provides some ease and grace with His ordained assignments, I am learning that sometimes you have to put up a fight for some of the things He is handing over to you. I am also learning that a majority of the blessings we receive are not about us, it’s about Him shining through us so that others may come into His light. I’m not saying that everything is spiritual warfare or that His gifts cannot be enjoyed, but there are times when we have to stand our ground and seek to help others see the full manifestation of what God wants to do. Some people seem to be born with that fight mentality and are ready to take on what is coming. Others seem to have a heart of gold, naturally selfless and ready to assist the next person without consideration for their own needs. But for many of us, (us is me) it has taken practice and repeated tests from life to make us stronger, determined to persevere and think of others no matter what life hands us.
Through the Fire, Through the Storm
I spent a good chunk of 2023 weeping over things I lost, things that were on the edge of being lost, and holding on to my sanity. While that was not a pleasant time for me, I had no choice but to surrender to God. Every plan, every decision, every move, because my soul depended on it. I had to learn how to live like Christ. I served others when it seemed like my needs were unmet, I loved people even when they did not love me, I possessed joy when the circumstances around me were screaming sadness, and learned patience when all I wanted was for this rough season to run past me. He used this season to hone in on prayer and reciting the scriptures. And I’m not talking about “God is great, God is good, thank so much you for my food” kind of prayers. I’m talking about purposeful prayers. Praying in tongues, praying battle scriptures, and incorporating weekly fasting. It became a lifestyle. It was the kind of prayer that when other people overheard me, they thought I was about to go crazy! That kind of prayer, okay?! And truthfully, it felt like it was do or die for me, like I was fighting for my life. But I am grateful for that time because I believe I have a deeper intimacy with Him today. And i am grateful for those people around me who covered me in prayer and prayed with me when I just didn’t have the strenghth.
Praising Him in the Congregation
I also learned how to freely praise God. Before last year, I used to be so worried about what other people thought I looked like while praising God in church. Of all places to be ashamed of uninhibited worship…the house of God! Whenever I was in my own home or apartment, I had no problem throwing my hands up and singing aloud in praise. But in public spaces, I was too preoccupied about what I looked like to others, and often, I would stifle my praise and resemble a stiff tree with a slightly opened mouth eeking out the lyrics I read on the jumbo screens. The past season and a little help from a pastor in LA taught me to lift my hands unashamedly in the presence of the congregation, as David said in Psalm 22, and stop caring about what the next person thought of me. To worship Him as if it was just me in a room by myself, even if there was someone standing right next to me, elbow to elbow.
Learning to Love
30 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”
– Matthew 12:30-31
But I would say the most impactful lesson I learned during my year of deep trials and tribulations was how to love. The New Testament speaks so much about love. 1 Corinthians 13 has a pretty lengthy passage written by Paul that states if we have not love, we have nothing. We can be the greatest prayer warriors, shaking the house down in religious sayings and seemingly deep teachings, but if we’re not doing these things in love, true care for the others around us, even those who are nothing like us, what are we doing? I have to be honest and say that I struggled with this one. I used to think of love as the “fuzzy wuzzies”. The warm tingling feeling we get when we are enamored with a new suitor or a potential best friend. And while that is still accurate in some cases, what I learned last year is that love is an act and a conscious choice. Love is speaking the truth (kindly) to others even when it may cause a rift in your relationship. Love is giving your time to serve others even when you don’t have a lot of it to spare. Love is giving of yourself sacrificially to the benefit of someone else with an understanding that you may not get the same thing in return from that individual. Love is when someone says something deeply hurtful but you still treat them with kindness and care even though they don’t deserve it.
God made the choice to love me and you when we were and in some cases, still are depraved and against His will and ways. He gave His only begotten Son (John 3:16) who knew no sin so that we would have a chance at eternal life with Him. Christ gave up His life in an excruciating way so that we could live. That is real love. Even in my most downtrodden times, it was when I realized how much I did not deserve the love of God, yet, He loved me anyway. And it wasn’t based on how I behaved, how many prayer meetings I attended, or how well I served the church, but it was purely based on His choice. His lesson on love taught me how to love strangers, people who had completely different beliefs, lifestyles, and upbringings than me. It was at this time I learned to meet people where they are instead of standing on my evangelical soapbox to connect with people, understand more of who they are, pray, and share the gospel with them. And He is still teaching me how to not judge others. I am still a work in progress, but each day, with every fall and step, He teaches me more about His version of love. None of these lessons, which are now blessings to my life, would have been possible had I not gone through the difficult seasons. The refiner’s fire never feels good at the moment. It is painful and at times it can feel unbearable, but He gives you the strength to keep going and after you’ve been through it, you become a version of yourself you never thought you would see. I know I did.
2023 humbled me and forced me to have the right view of myself in relation to God and His purpose. Am I perfect? No. But what I am is a transformed version of the former me. A newer, more patient, kind, and loving person who is learning how to exercise the fruits of spirit.
Now that it is warming up here in Texas, I know He is growing something new in my life. I don’t fully understand it, or even know what it is, but what I do know is that I am secure in Him, I am loved and I am chosen. I know that because of Him, I am resilient and strong. Even when my back is up against a wall, I can bounce back and be better because He is leading the way. They aren’t just words to a song, but truth. The love of God is my source and I will continue to lean on Him to refine my character, renew my mind, and carry me into what He’s calling me to accomplish.
How has this past season been for you? How is God preparing you for the new and next season of your life? I would love to hear your story!
With Love,
❤️
Rashida
Rashida Wright 
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