Rashida Wright

Blog Post

At our house, there is a particular girl who rules the roost (outside of my mom) and her name is Julia. Julia isn’t a person but nine-year-old chow chow shi zhu mix who is 30 plus pounds of attitude and fun. She is a medium-sized dog with sand-colored semi-curly fur and the signature purple chow tongue. My mom has had her since she was a puppy and she has been around for all the moves, growth, and changes that have happened in our household.

When I first got to know Julia, I was living on my own and only saw her every so often when I would come to visit my mom and sister at our old house in Georgia. When she was younger Julia’s disposition was simply, if she don’t know you, she’s not foolin’ with you, 

Period. The end. 

So what do I mean by that? I mean, that if you weren’t a consistent part of the household and you came to the house, she would bark at you incessantly and not allow you to go near her without bearing her teeth with the full intention to bite you (or nip as my mom likes to call it). There was even a time I was playing with her as a young dog and she bit me right on the nose. Needless to say, at that time, she was not my favorite pet. 

However, over the years by living in the same household and spending more time with her, I’ve gotten to know her personality and gained a better understanding of who she is as a pet. 

Julia plays like a tough girl. She still barks at strangers, she still nips when she feels threatened, doesn’t like being around other dogs for too long, and hides underneath our beds when she wants a bit of solace from the world. But when you get a chance to rub her belly, or hold her, she turns into a little baby. Very tender and very sweet. The growling, snarling and the like subsides and all she wants to do is be cuddled. 

Our neighbor down the street has a younger dog who is about a year old (give or take some months). I don’t know his breed but he is pretty big in physical size and reminds me of a Dalmatian and a Greyhound mixed together. He has short black and white hair, with black spots on parts of his body. He looks like he could be mean but he is a total softie when it comes to people and Julia. Anytime we visit with him or he comes by the house, he jumps up on all of us, sometimes almost knocking us over with excitement. His tail wags and it seems like he has this huge smile on his face of joy when we hang out with him and his owner. After greeting us, he heads over to Julia and proceeds with endless face licks and playful bows. Every time I watch their interactions, I laugh because as my mom pointed out, Julia will growl and pounce on Spotty like she’s so angry but when he licks her face she growls like she doesn’t want it but continues to go back for more. It’s hilarious! 

But as I watched the two of them it dawned on me that Julia truly is a lover girl. She likes to be held, cuddle, kissed, and apparently, enjoys the company of a male when the opportunity arises. She has this rough exterior, which is so not her, when deep down she just wants to relax and be as soft as the next dog. 

Witnessing this made me take a good look at myself. Julia’s temperament began to remind me of my own. Not that I come across as a scary person but I have to admit, that I have walls that are up and they don’t come down very easily. But honestly, all I want to be is soft, vulnerable, and open with someone who cares. When I watched Julia, she kept growling each time Spotty came by to playfully lick her. Her disposition of pretending not to care while coming back for more made me realize that sometimes we just have to be honest about what we truly want, stop with the games and be ok with wanting what we want. As my mom would put it, “don’t eat your crab with shame”. 

Something else I noticed is that even though Julia growls and seems to be irritated with Spotty’s playfulness, he never stops trying to show her affection. Despite how terse she gets, he may give her a little second to breathe but he goes right back to loving her. Even though he’s just a dog who probably isn’t thinking through any of this, it’s that fact that his natural instinct is to keep trying to love on her, even if she gets irritated with him at times. He is consistent and persistent with his attention and care. That’s a word for some man out there! 

Ladies, we don’t always have to put up the tough girl act. And guys, sometimes you need to be sure and consistent with the lady you are dealing with. So do the work and show her you’re for real. I promise you, that inner lover girl will come out and you won’t be disappointed. 

Your turn: Ladies, do you find that you are putting up walls in your love life? Has it hindered or helped you in your relationship? Did it serve a purpose? And guys, does it bother you when a woman has walls up? Or do you view that as a challenge to overcome? I want to know in the comments.